The bus rides back are always quiet and somewhat lonely. it seems like an appropriate contrast to the hectic, extremely social weekend that has just passed. almost like a necessity, to allow for things to balance out.

I was a little excited when the movie started. I found it sort of amusing that it has just been delivered to my mailbox a few days before and was waiting for me to watch it at home. After less than a minute into it, i decided that this was not how i wanted to watch it. so i turned the volume up on the ipod and tried my hardest to ignore the screen for the duration of the movie. i looked around, watched the sunset as we got out of the lincoln tunnel and as we cruised down the NJ turnpike. i played silly games to make myself laugh, like if Ray was a cheezy horror movie this would be the point in the movie where id want to shout "No Ray! Dont go in there, its a trap!". i sat there with a smirk on my face as I watched the two japanese guys sitting in front of me, fast asleep in their seats both leaning very extremely and uncomfortably to the right, falling further and further with every jerk of the bus. i planned different looks for myself based on variations of head and facial hair. i tapped my feet listening to the playlist i had made before i left, wishing i was in my car instead so i could sing along.

But my mind was so distracted by thoughts of the weekend. there was drama. and looking back i can recognize that it was mostly drama fueled by alcohol. things that didnt need to be escalated had been, purely as a by-product of the inebriation. i started examining relationships that i have with friends - the ones that are no longer in my life, the ones i have, the ones i wanted - like i was being visited by the ghosts of friendships past, present and future. i started thinking of the effort i put in with certain people that isnt reciprocated and the ones that i feel i can do better with. i thought of the people i have known for a while, but feel like i dont really know at all, and how great the few meaningful interactions with them have been, giving me a glimpse into their personalities that were previously so under-appreciated. i thought about the ones that i am proud of and the ones that are proud of me, the ones whose new ventures i am extremely excited about and the ones that dont know how down i get when they are down.

This past week has made me very aware of the amazing people i have in my life that i have the privilege of calling my friends and i spent the rest of the bus ride feeling lucky and grateful and happy to be me.